How to Transform Fear into Feeling Powerful, In Control, and Free!

suehrs1Change, Enneagram, Fear5 Comments

Use the Enneagram to Transform Your Fear, Yourself & Your World

Do you sometimes become fearful about what is happening to you? 

Do you worry about what your future will be? Do you hate that feeling, push it away and pray it doesn’t happen? It is time to set yourself free, stop being run by your fears and start thinking about your positive future. You are not alone.  It isn’t your fault.  Fear is a tactic used to sell these days.  Media and pundits abound with scare stories because they have been taught that they need to find the pain, push that pain hard upon the necks of potential buyers, and then move in for the sell.

How do they latch onto us? 

They link fear with beliefs many of us hold.

So how do you think that happened?

Well, growing up, we were given beliefs intended for our well being. Those who loved us wanted us to behave.  So they gave us beliefs to be acceptable people in society.  Fear was usually used to anchor those beliefs. When circumstances happen to us that bring up that fear, we anchor them more. They become part of us. We begin to be run by our fears. It is possible to free yourself from these fear beliefs, feel contented and find peace.

So, how do I know I’m being run by my fears?

We’ve all been taught to face our fears and consider if they would truly come to pass.  We all know how to reduce and mange those fears.  We all do that.  What I’m talking about are those ones when the subject comes up, you just won’t go there.  You know! The ones that wake us up in the middle of the night, and we tell ourselves it’s only a bad dream.  When they keep nagging you, you know you are being run by your fears. One day it became crystal clear that my life was being run by my fears and beliefs.  Any stress in my life set me up for any seller to come and sell me the moon.  I remember the day clearly.  I just received a call from my sister that my dad died.  Ten minutes later I answered the door, welcomed the salesman, and purchased a lifetime supply of photo albums for fear of losing….  Needless to say, my fiance showed up later that day and brought me back to my senses.  Side note, he didn’t leave; we have been married for more than 30 years now.  We’ve all done those things we can’t logically explain why we did them.  Crazy things.  Haven’t you? I found denying or pushing away fear never works, regardless of what others say about just having happy thoughts.  Has just having happy thoughts ever worked for you in getting rid of these fears?  While having happy thoughts are very good for us, how do we get them when this unknown fear keeps lurking up?   How do you feel that you are in control of them.  You want to be the master of your fears. So how does one do that? Well, I have come up with a 7 step method of doing that.   These 7 steps can put you back in the driver’s seat, reclaim your power and have you live beyond your fears.  In the nut shell, it basically is identification, convincing ourself(s) of the need to change and the change itself.

Change?

Yes change.  It is because these fears are about us learning more about ourselves and changing to feel powerful, in control and free. This is important.  When we are being run by our fears, the goal is to learn the truth about ourself.  That is why they keep nagging us. The fear can become our friend.  Now you’re probably saying I’m crazy. OK, so go along with me for a little crazy, won’t you?

Step #1 – Know We Need Fear; We Need to Own It First We all need fear as part of our instinct for survival.  More importantly, our survival depends on us acknowledging fear when danger is near.  Fear is a marker of danger or loss, so we can make decisions to continue to live and thrive.

When there is a real threat, we make positive decisions, take actions to survive and the immediate fear dissipates. Here’s where it becomes a problem.  When we perceive a danger or loss that may not be really there.  We get sacred, try to push it away, and then worry.  We give it energy and power that it may come to pass.  If it comes to pass, it gets worse.   Did you ever wonder why? When we experience what we fear, we reinforce core beliefs that are just not true about us.

Did you get that?  Beliefs that are just not true about us.  That is what these fears are.  We have these thoughts in our heads that are just not true about us.  This is something you can do something about.

Can you start to feel the power in that?  When we deny those fears, we are run by them rather than using them as our survival tool.  So how are fears a survival tool?  They are gifts.  No way.  Yep, gifts for us to understand what our true nature is so we can thrive in our world.  So really our fears are a thriving tool. We make new decisions about who we choose to be so as to continue to live and thrive. For example: About 13 years ago I lost my job.  It was right around 9-11, and I was fearful that would cause me to struggle in finding a job.  I denied feeling that fear and I spent the first 14 months struggling.  Finally, it dawned on me that I was holding onto a belief that I was not valuable enough for people to want me when jobs were scarce.  I then spent the next 2 months getting back into a sense of valuing of my own worth and convincing myself that I didn’t need to struggle with this.  When I relaxed, allowed myself to be connected with who I truly was, I became the one controlling my life, not circumstances.  I started my new better job 2 months later. Just being willing to own it, opened me up to decisions for me to respond to that fear.  When I understood that I needed to change to a new truth about me, I responded to that fear.  That is when I felt a sense of power, control and freedom. Then I mustered up some courage for the next step.

Step #2 – Understand the Beliefs Taken On, and See the Non-Truths So how does one do get to the heart of finding the belief that isn’t true?  Here are two different questions I found useful to help with that. One way I found was to identify the beliefs that made me feel out of control and powerless.  What powerless or uncontrollable story was I telling myself that keeps me feeling out of control and powerless? The other way was when a fear thought bubbled up, I asked myself, “What would someone have to believe is true about them to have that fear?” Now if I could just remember the time when that belief was started, so I could see the non-truth. That was not easy for me.  It took courage because I had to go look in places I didn’t want to.  I had taken my sense of not feeling valued enough. Then I had to go to a time when I first could remember not feeling of value.  That is how I identified with the belief of not feeling enough and the fear of making a mistake.  Take the feeling of not valued and try to remember a time in my past when I first felt that.

Here is What I Did: I remembered the time; I was 3 and made a mistake.  As a child, people who cared for me used shame to get me to behave the way they wanted. Check out how I developed a core belief that I would never be enough.  Here I was this 3 year old, feeling tremendous pain of shame of having made a mistake and I was scared.  I was saying in my head: “What happened to the loving person who is responsible for me?  This is scary.  They don’t know what they are doing.  If they don’t know what they are doing, I could even die.  No, it can’t be that; they’re an adult.  It must be I’m not enough.  OK so it’s my fault; they know what they are doing.  I can be safe if the adults are right and I stop making any mistakes.  I just need to prove I’m enough.  Now I’m safe.” Me as the child did what she needed to feel a sense of safety and control, so she turned the shame and non-true beliefs in on herself.  At least she had some control of her life.  So I now had a belief of not being enough associated with any fear of making a mistake. Anytime I would make a mistake, not only was I scared, but the 3 year old inside of me was just as scared.  I had this strong emotion of shame, associated with this fear of making a mistake, based on a belief of not being enough, that my inner child had told herself in order to feel safe.  I was practicing it for years.

I found and expressed the underlying non-true beliefs that caused my fear. Now to work myself out of this mess.  Many of us stop here, because we just hope changing our mind is enough and we are done with this.  Believe me, I knew this about me for a long time.  I just couldn’t shake it.  As I worked to believe differently, it just didn’t budge.  You know that scared child within?  She subverted any attempt I made to change that belief.  I needed to convince her to change with me. I needed a good argument to convince that child within me.

Step #3 – Motivate Change – Know How Those Non-True Beliefs Impact Your Future Experiences

So how does one connect the dots of linking non-true beliefs with future experiences? 

Many spiritual resources explain that the beliefs about who we hold our self to be, are what shape our future experiences.  Consider that for a moment.  You heard about “self-fulfilling prophecy.”  That’s what they’re talking about. As I began to consider it, I could see that there were times that not feeling myself being enough, was what caused my experiences of other people thinking that I was not enough.  I had a self-fulfilling prophecy going.   Here is what I learned through various spiritual resources that may help explain this better. We have been conditioned to think that a circumstance of what happens to us is what determines our future experiences. Cause and effect in action.  What really happens is that we give a certain meaning to the circumstances in our life, choose who we are as a belief, then create a future experience to reinforce who we believe we are.  The certainty of it happening depends on how much we think about it, give attention to it and focus on it.

I got to thinking how many times I had a fear-thought emerge and it would come true.  When it came to pass a few days later, I thought I was psychic.  Here’s how it really works. I gave meaning to that fear thought with a belief that it would come true.  Then it happened, not because I was psychic, but because I gave it meaning with attention and focus.  This is not to say that certain people are not psychic; I just wasn’t.  What I believed was that it would come true for me, and it did. My beliefs had consequences.  I had a reason to convince my inner child to give up this belief of not being enough.  Now the 4th step.

Step #4 – Convince the Personality Aspect to Change with You, Motivate Them to Change

I know that this may be a stretch for some, but stay here with me a moment.  My inner child is a personality aspect that developed to serve and protect me because of that shameful experience.  Now, I had to convince that inner child who was scared, to change the belief with me.  From her perspective she was protecting us with that belief.  She was keeping us safe.

So how did I convince her to change?

I created a way to dialogue with her.  You can do that too. It can be in your head, in meditation or in a discussion with someone you trust. Because my inner child was scared, I needed to approach her by reassuring her that she would be safe.  Thanking her for taking care of us all these years was important as well.  Then I explained to her why I needed to change, so that I could have more positive future experiences. I asked her if she wanted to help me with this.  She did. Then I explained that she needed to change that belief as well.  I told her if she did that, I would take care of any bad feelings that came up.  Also, she could come to me anytime if they did come up.  I promised her that I would tell her the truth about herself.  She agreed to change it too.  Now we had an agreement. Our further discussion was about me telling her the truth of that day.  I told her how insightful and powerful she was by coming up with such a creative way to feel safe. You can see where this went.  I explained that we had a Higher Self and they would take care of our safety in the future.  She didn’t have to carry that burden anymore. Unless these personality aspects come along with us, the beliefs may come back.  I have also found that our inner personality aspect will do much in the background to insure our success.  Also asking our Higher Self to help us here supports this change. Having explained the identifying and convincing steps, I am bringing you to the home stretch now, the change itself.  It begins with detaching the emotions from the fear.  

Step #5 – Detach From the Fear to Change Your Belief

The fifth step is detaching the strong emotion from the fear.  How would someone do that?  There are a couple of ways I used to detach the strong emotion from the fear.

1)     Letting go of any blame I gave others for helping me take on that fear belief.  I was the one who made up the belief of not being enough to feel safe, not the person who used shame to get me to behave differently.  Yes, they are responsible for their actions, but I was responsible for the belief.  Blaming them kept me attached to the belief, the fear, and also to the experience. Releasing them from blame detached me from the strong emotion of shame attached to the fear. You might be asking, what if someone hurt me?  Do I really have to give up blame?  Yes, if you want to actually change.  Giving up blaming does not alleviate someone from responsibility for their actions.  It does detach you from reliving the hurt.  Take heart in knowing that spirituality balances things out. Here are some additional thoughts I use to stop blaming others.  Many times, people pass on beliefs thinking they are helping me. They didn’t know the belief they told me wasn’t true because they believed it them self. Other times, people are trying feel better about them self and don’t think what impact they had on me, even when they see me hurting.  They are too self-focused to even consider you or me.  Reliving experiences through blame is one of the worst ways we can treat ourself. Then there are those who felt hurt by me and wanted to retaliate.

Forgiving both them and myself for why we did what they did helps greatly in letting go of blame and detaching.  I try to remember that the Divine forgives us all instantly.  For me not to forgive is saying I know better than the Divine. That would be pretty darn arrogant of me.

2)     Other ways I have used to detach is to go into meditation and focus on my breathing until I am centered.  Then I observe the emotion, allow it to dissipate, and then forgive myself. Detaching the strong emotion, I have cleared the space for a new belief to take hold, which brings me to step 6.

Step #6 – Develop New True Belief to Replace the Old One

If we don’t replace old habits with new ones, we are vulnerable to practicing the old ones again. So how do we develop a new belief? My favorite way is to ask myself what the Divine who loves me unconditionally would believe is true about me. Then I would write the new belief in the most positive way. Telling myself that everyone is enough in the eyes of the Divine and I am enough, was the new truth for me.  Practicing the new belief is the last step to replace the old belief and transform the fear.

Step #7 – Practice the New Belief

Why practice the new belief?  When we act, we ground the change into our lives.  Remember that old belief was practiced for a very long time.  Here are a couple of ways I found to practice the new belief.

  • Sometimes I enjoy developing and using questioning affirmations.  The questions help me bypass the subconscious mind.  For example “How am I enjoying being enough in my world?” It helps to truly wonder how as you say these affirmations.

 

 

  • Another successful way is to say and feel intensely 4 – 6 new beliefs that countered the old one.

 

I discovered that there is a not a one size fits all when practicing new beliefs.   Be creative and try your own way. Transforming fear happens after we have consciously identified the fear, emotions, and beliefs tied to them. We convince or motivate ourself(s) to change, and change the old beliefs to new ones.

A FREE Aid below to Determining Fear Beliefs

In order to help identify possible fear beliefs, I have a gift for you.  I have taken some time to write possible fear beliefs that different enneagram personalities can take on and some new truths to believe in order to be free of fear.  Using your enneagram personality, see what may be happening to you. You can use this to change the beliefs associated with your Enneagram Personality.

You can do this!        Change Your Beliefs Now!

If you don’t know your enneagram personality, click here to see a guide, then come back.  Sense what steps would be important for you to try.  Try this process of transforming those fears into a sense of power, control and freedom.  The new beliefs offered can be used directly, modified to your choice, or can be rewritten into questioning affirmations.

Possible Fear Beliefs For Enneagram Personalities The reformer enneagram (1) type person is a beautiful change agent.   When fear strikes, they can be tempted to believe that they are flawed, corrupt or wrong.  They may come to a conclusion that even they are a mistake.  They may feel a sense of shame, thinking that no matter what circumstances happen to them, they may never be appreciated or understood.  So they could make decisions to prove to everyone and their world that they have to be perfect or do everything perfectly.

New Beliefs the reformer enneagram (1) type can take on to counter the old beliefs: I am perfect in every moment always.  My growth contributes to the growth of the Divine.  All mistakes are opportunities to expand; the question is really what I can learn about me here. I am forgiven instantly by the Divine.  Being physical is to learn more about me to create what I desire.

The helper enneagram (2) type person most genuinely helps others and beautifully lets people feel that they are known by them. If caught in fear patterns and too many negative experiences, they can believe they are unloved. They may feel they are doomed to lose affection and even their connection with the Divine. They can come to make decisions that they will be alienated or alone unless they control those they love.

New Beliefs the helper enneagram (2) type can take on to counter the old beliefs:  I am always loved by the Divine.  When I give of who I am, I am being a loving person.  When I love freely, I am blessed with feeling love from the Divine.  When I love myself, my world reflects love back to me.

The achiever enneagram (3) type person can wonderfully achieve what seems to most as the impossible. If stuck in fear, they can come to believe what they do is all that matters, and they themselves, do not matter to any one or even the Divine.  They may feel that no one will appreciate all that they are and only what they achieve is what matters.  They can come to make decisions that what they achieve is more important than being who they are.

New Beliefs the achiever enneagram (3) type can take on to counter the old beliefs:  I am important and matter to the Divine in every moment.  When I chose to be who I really am, I will feel genuine validation. My validation comes from an honest evaluation of my character, and I am forgiven whenever I step out of character.  My truer self knows I am enough as I change to be as much in character as I am capable of.

The unique special one enneagram (4) type person can make beautiful creations and passionately inspire others.  When they become fearful orientated, they might believe that they are an exception to everything and that everything works for everyone else but them.  They can feel insignificant and excluded of the gifts from the Divine and believe they have to prove they are special in order to receive those gifts.  They can come to make decisions that they are entitled for all the suffering they had and a good life is earned through struggle.

New Beliefs the unique special one enneagram (4) type can take on to counter the old beliefs: The Divine provides enough for everyone, no exceptions.  I create my future the same way as anyone else.  I am enough and deserve.  Life does not need to be earned; it is received based on how I hold myself to be.

The researcher enneagram (5) type person has such a delightful discerning nature.  If being run by their fears, they may believe that what they do is not useful or they are not capable.  They may feel that they will be expected to do things they can’t do.  They can come to make decisions that they are not enough or what they do isn’t valued enough unless they know everything there is to know.

New Beliefs the researcher enneagram (5) type can take on to counter the old beliefs:   I am given the strength, power, and talents to be capable and enough in my world.  When I let go of needing all the answers, the Divine will reveal them to me when I need them.  I am enough when I do things to the best of my ability in each moment.

The loyal friend enneagram (6) type person is so capable of providing safety and security for themselves and their loved ones.  When unable to resolve their fears, they can come to a belief conclusion that they will not be safe or guided properly in their world.  They may feel they cannot survive on their own or rely on themselves.  They can come to make decisions that in order to get the support they need, they must show and convince those around them all that could go wrong in a scary world.

New Beliefs the loyal friend enneagram (6) type can take on to counter the old beliefs:  I am always supported by the Divine and can know that as long as I am willing to connect with them.  I can use my fears to know truths about myself and change who I want to be.  When I am loyal to myself first, my world can reflect loyalty back to me.  My world changes when I change.

The adventurer enneagram (7) type person is so much fun to be around and expresses joy so spontaneously.  If fear erupts, they may believe or fear that they will be trapped in pain.  They may feel being abandoned by those important to them and may fear get excluded from the fun and joys in life.  They can come to make decisions that they can only be comforted by material things and do fun in excess because getting too close to people may result in pain.

New Beliefs the adventurer enneagram (7) type can take on to counter the old beliefs:   When I connect to the Divine, my yearning and longing can be diminished, and I can free myself from pain.  When I fill myself with love, I can let go of needing “things” to fill myself.  I can safely connect with others using compassion and that can be fun.

The leader enneagram (8) type personality is a heartfelt and reliant leader that others can count on. If stuck in fear thoughts, they may believe that others may hurt or control them.  They can come to feel weak or powerless because they perceive others are trying to control them. They can come to make decisions that they need to be in charge or in control of events of others in order to determine the course of their destiny.

New Beliefs the leader enneagram (8) type can take on to counter the old beliefs: I am always powerful and strong, the Divine made me that way.  I can let go of being in charge and know I can choose to have the life I want.  The Divine wants me to have any destiny I choose.

The peacemaker enneagram (9) type personality are the community builders in our world. When caught in fear, they can believe they will be separated and alienated from their world.  They may feel insignificant and unworthy.  They can come to make decisions that in order to feel connected and at peace they need to make sure everyone gets along, and if people don’t get along, they are a failure and useless.

New Beliefs the peacemaker enneagram (9) type can take on to counter the old beliefs: I am significant to the Divine.  When I own my importance, I can find peace and harmony.  Any way that I build community with others is meaningful as long as I do it to the best of my ability.  I as well as everyone else is 100% worthy to the Divine.

Know these truths about us.  We are all valuable, worthy and significant.  Take time to consider these beliefs, choose to be the real you that you were born to be, then have life experiences that reflect that.  That way, we transform our perceived fears is by making more positive decisions about who we are.   If you want to know more positive beliefs in order to take your power back for a fulfilling life, check out my Miracle Grids Passion Products on the Miracle Grids Shop. Change them miraculously on all levels of consciousness.

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by Susan Suehr
Change Your Beliefs = Change Your Life = Change Your World

5 Comments on “How to Transform Fear into Feeling Powerful, In Control, and Free!”

  1. This is priceless information, I love working with the enneagram and you have made it so inviting. It can be scary going there, but we are here to heal and this is a beautiful way to do it. Thank you Susan, you are a beacon of light.

  2. Pingback: Beautiful Storm - Change Your Beliefs Now

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