Have you ever been in a situation where you lost your “mojo” just when you needed it the most?
I am talking about losing your confidence or esteem just when you had to make that presentation, go to that important meeting or ask for some dearly needed resources from someone who had them. It happens to everyone. So how do you think it happens?
As we go about our business of living, we run into people who say things to us such as “I don’t believe it”, “ You can’t do that.”, “If you did all…then you didn’t do…”, “It can’t happen like you said”, “You’re not right” or “You’ll never be able….” Well meaning as these people are, these day to day things people say to us erode our self confidence and self esteem. Just when we need it most, it’s gone. We hadn’t even realized we gave it away. It happens to the best of us.
Our confidence is our strong trust and belief in our ability to manage life’s challenges. Our esteem is the high regard we have for ourselves. We need to rebuild it or fortify it from time to time. It is going to take a bit of effort at first, but afterwards, the rewards will be so great, you’ll be so happy you did this.
Here are my steps to build confidence and esteem or fortify it, so you can have that “mojo” anytime you need it.
Step 1. How to Build a High Regard and Value for Self
There is a grand truth to know. We are all completely valuable to the Divine in the uniqueness that we are. Take some time and let that in. Do you believe that strongly? If not, it is a very important step of the steps to build confidence and esteem. If your belief in being valuable is weak, think about the stories in your head that say you don’t have significance.
Do you say things like, “I’m just not as good as others”, “I don’t believe I qualify as being good enough”, or “I’ve done too many wrong things in my life; I don’t deserve?” If so, that puts you in low regard. Tell yourself it is a lie. Go to a mirror and say it is a lie, so you really mean it. Look yourself in the eye. Now tell yourself that you are going to stop telling these lies about yourself.
Now check and see if you strongly believe in the grand truth about us being valuable. Keep at this until you can accept the grand truth strongly. Dig into and find that lie that keeps you from believing this grand truth. Once you can believe the grand truth, you are ready to move onto the next step.
Step 2. How to Find my Strengths & Powers
Building confidence and esteem involves some story telling on your part. You need to remember a success story of yourself. It is even more helpful to remember 2 or 3 of them. It does not have to be big or anything that was recognized by others, only a story that you have a strong belief that you succeeded in accomplishing something.
Now tell yourself the story or stories of what and how you succeeded. You can write it down in a journal, you can tell yourself in a mirror, or you can tell it to a person you consider safe. Now, what strength and power did you find inside yourself. Write them down and keep it in a place for you to have. Use the following list to help you with your own.
Strength List
- Creativity
- Courage
- Forgiveness
- Evaluation & Discernment
- Intellect
- Curiosity
- Empathy
- Strong Will
- Imagination
- Dreaming new ideas
- Visioning – see new possible futures
- Humor
- Leadership with the ability to create impact
- Loving
- Communication
- Original thoughts
- Passion
- Compassion
Power List
- Reforming and Being a Change Agent
- Helping Others
- Achieving results
- Creating New
- Investigative Researching
- Bring in Safety & Security
- Create Adventure & Fun
- Be in Control & Lead
- Bring Peace and Harmony to Relationships
Write what strength you used, where your power came from and how you combined them. These are innate gifts, given to you to be used anytime you need success in your life. Now sense a trust in yourself that you have strengths and powers to be able to achieve whatever you want in this life.
Step 3. Accessing Your Resources
Build confidence and esteem by accessing the resources you have available to you to accomplish what you desire to have. When you have a clear view of the resources you will need and a plan to get them, it is much easier to believe in your ability to accomplish what you want to have. Here is a list of resources that one needs in order to accomplish what you want to have while using your strengths, powers and talents.
Having the knowledge to accomplish what you want.
Evaluate if you have the knowledge or if you have a means to acquire the knowledge. Knowledge is something you can acquire and go a long way for building confidence and esteem. When I was working as a Chemical Engineer, I had a university degree to get me started. It was feedback with my experiences and continued education that kept me current in the knowledge to work in that field. University degrees are not required for everything, and it is good to know the knowledge you need for having what you want. Knowing I had current knowledge in my field gave me a solid baseline for my confidence and esteem.
Do you have the skills to implement what you want?
You are better served if you take an honest look at your own skill set. Have someone you trust to help you evaluate your skills. Then you can plan on acquiring those skills or finding someone who can provide them for you. Before I started blogging, I had a group of friends I trusted look at some of my sample blogs. The feedback I got was not what I expected. I had been writing technical documents for years, and the writing style was completely different than what blogging requires. So I took a course and practiced writing with a blogging style every day. Then a few months later, my trusted friends gave me the feedback that I was ready to start blogging. This made a huge difference in my confidence and esteem in my ability to write blogs. I still work on it and have a trusted person critique all my posts.
Have a plan to schedule and take action steps for what you want.
Writing out the action steps and putting a time plan to each step will help build your confidence and esteem. I found taking big tasks and breaking them into smaller ones that are easier to complete helps a lot for building confidence and esteem. When you complete each one, you have the confidence to go on to the next one. You can use this experience of having completed those tasks to feed your esteem. This also helps you evaluate if you have all the resources you need in order to accomplish what you want to have.
Have access to people, tools, capital, knowledge and skills for what you’ll need to accomplish what you want.
Having a clearer roadmap to accomplishing what you want to have will help you be more specific in evaluating if you have the knowledge, skills, tools, finances, time and support from others for being able to accomplish what you want to have. If there are any deficiencies, you can put acquiring them back into your plan. Having such a view gives you a means of not only believing, but visioning yourself as someone who can achieve what they want.
Putting It All Together
Taking these steps to building confidence and esteem takes effort for sure. You are worth taking that effort to have your dreams come true, no matter how big or small. Start with small dreams so you can build you confidence and esteem quickly. Use the smaller accomplishments to feed your confidence and esteem to be able to go for the bigger dreams. Use them to have more regard for yourself by valuing your ability to accomplish. Use the success to reinforce how you used your strengths and powers. Then evaluate your resources to make your next dream come true.
As you believe in yourself more, you will be better able to see resources becoming available to you for making your dreams come true. Make the effort to build your confidence and esteem. Have a life of fulfilled dreams. You deserve it and you are worth it.
By Susan Suehr
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